Disappearing Act

It is so easy for me to vanish. A month ago I finished a fairly intense 120 day hiking challenge. The last five days of the challenge I walked from my house in Easthampton, MA all the way to and up Mt. Greylock, a 50 mile walk total. The journey was long and at times seemed to be a struggle, but I did it! I had lost 12 pounds total and was feeling quite in shape. People were complimenting me on my accomplishment, I was feeling more in my body. To my credit, I didn’t go completely to my old ways after that, but I have been exercising less and eating more and my weight has been slowly creeping back up.
A few things have changed though. I am meditating every morning. This is bringing me closer to my feelings as well as closer to being in my body.
Oh, there it is again. Feelings. I have been feeling them more. No wonder I have been eating more!
Christine and I went bowling a few nights ago with a bunch of friends. Social situation, what did I do? I needed to bring a big bag of potato chips and some dip. I had to keep eating instead of actually connecting.
I have been getting closer to my feelings. No wonder I have been eating more.
Maybe, if I can just let things be and keep meditating everyday and accept myself where I am and not pressure myself too much this shall pass. Maybe I need to give myself a break.

3 Responses to “Disappearing Act”

  1. Mary says:

    Bill, you mention ‘Feelings’ and I wonder if you have heard of Danielle LaPorte’s newest project ‘Desire Map’? I suggest you check it out. I got a copy and love how she’s taking excellent content and packaged it for delivery via a multimedia approach.

    Hang in there….stay strong!

  2. Angela wolfenberger says:

    You speak of feelings like they are something negative….are you talking about feelings in general, or specifically the self critical ones you are experiencing?? I have seen this in so many of my friends lately–they know where they want to be, but it seems so far away (I have often been in that very netherworld myself). I think you are doing just the right thing by meditating, and getting in touch with who you really are, and where you are in your journey….you are an inspiration, and i am proud of you :)

    • bill says:

      I think it is feelings in general. Feelings of doubting myself, doubting decisions, anxiety. Sometimes, it is lack of feeling I don’t like or being afraid of what a feeling may be. Old stuff, for sure. To just let myself be in it is the challenge. Being in the feeling without overeating, that is today’s challenge. Thanks for the feedback!

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